Wednesday, September 1, 2010

the whole truth and why grace

Pulling myself up by my bootstraps....

That would be me this morning. Because I can't seem to get in any groove while I'm living in this apartment, waiting for our next home. There is no groove. I haven't been here long enough, and I won't be, I hope.

But last night we found out the house appraisal was low....this means that we need the sellers to come down about ten-thou in price. Now we wait on that. Will they lower their price or stubbornly walk away from the sale? I don't know why they would but it's a "what if" and I don't want any "what if''s" anymore. Not for awhile.

The last 6 days have been so hard. We went back to Redmond to watch the movers pack our worldly belongings up in a big old truck. We stayed with my folks, which was so much better than staying in our house. It was nice to sleep on a bed, not in a house that's being emptied. It was lovely that the boys got to hang out with their grandparents. But my sweet boys, they were a mess. This whole thing is so confusing. Moving out of one house, buying a new house that we never move into, staying in a teeny place w/o our things...and my boys they fought and whined and cried all week. Yesterday was no different. Whining grates on me and I got snappy until I finally gave up and flopped on my belly for a board game with two boys, the other had fallen asleep during bookrest. Frozen pizza for dinner, I really should go shopping. But there is no where to put food....

And today I woke up thinking the day was ruined just because I woke up. I didn't want to get up & walk on these yucky carpets and go back to school again, another day uphill.

I'm trying to excite myself about school. We'll do something new and fun today...but truth be told this day will probably hold as many challenges as the last. Three active boys in a tiny apartment, a giant dog that wants to run with no doggy-sized-hamster wheel to go on, school on a tiny table and me wondering all the while if we really will get in a new groove, if we really will ever move out of here?

So that's the real truth, the whole truth. That is why I need grace. Because I'm truly a mess everyday, maybe even more of a mess than I know. All this comes by way of a friend who has been brutally honest. Her husband has gone up North to do some nasty fishing work for months, leaving her to her own with 5 little girlies. She has been wonderfully honest. Thanks for being bravely honest, Becki.

Feel like telling the whole truth today?

7 comments:

Pebblekeeper said...

I've walked through a year of truth on the ponderings site. :0 these 11 months that we've lived here have been harder than the 11 the preceded it without work.
Watch out for the Discourager. Watch out. Seek healing now, for their hearts. Seek courage. I do encourage you, that 11 months later - I am hoping that miracles happen and hubby gets to stay here forever. :) I spend half of the day trying not to think a bout this all being temporary, that we will be breaking these friendships as well. And He reminds me we are temporary in this world. An I take a nap. Read a blog. and remember to breath. :)

Connie said...

I'm praying for you today Amanda!

Pebblekeeper said...

http://pebblekeepersponderings.blogspot.com/2010/09/truth-day-challenge.html

It's way too long. But that's what you get for asking me a question before coffee.

Hilary said...

Love you :) I wish I could say something to help with everything, but that's all I've got :)

P.S. I really like what pebblekeeper said! Very good stuff!

Becky said...

thank you, amanda. :) for being a walk-beside-you-friend. we are in this together! :) i will talk to Him about you...your apartment...your boys...even giant doggie. :)

The Daileys said...

Sweet Amanda, I so hear you. Honesty is so good! When you get that discontent soul on the surface, you give God the invitation to speak to your soul. It truly does no good for me to hear "This too shall pass" when I am in a seeming-to-go-nowhere situation like you are in the middle of, so I will not say it. No amount of high insight can smooth your frazzled nerves, I know. It also makes it worse for me when people remind me that the mommy and wife are the heart of the family... if I am feeling a horrible mess already, do I need that guilt? No, just hold on with a death grip to your sweet savior and trust that he IS working. Crawl up into his arms each night, tuck your forehead under his chin and cry with his arms enfolding you. He hears and he loves you.

Cathy said...

I feel like I can say this because I've lived in that apartment...

Don't look back on the "waiting period" and regret HOW you waited. Let the "waiting" become the "growing". Fill up the time with serving Him in new ways and truly looking for what lessons he has for you to learn through this. SO hard. But SO worth it.

I know you can do this! With Him.:)