Sunday, July 24, 2011

Contended Heart

The boys and I will spend our day first tidying up around home, grocery shopping & then doing our final pack for a weekend camping trip. Things around here are humming along, summertime is at it's peak and we're fully enjoying it.
On Bicycles:
We're down to one car this summer, and for a season. So far, I love it. It's been the perfect reason NOT to be lazy and drive to the library (a mile) or wherever we like. We are blessed to live in the middle of town...we can easily bike to the grocery, library, pool, Farmer's Market, parks, Karate. The boys have learned so much through biking about traffic, looking ahead, road signs and caution. Now that we've been out a lot my goal is to speak as little as possible when we ride. The "leader" gets to navigate, look for signs, make all decisions that I can see are good options. Of course we have the occasional "STOP!" from mom in the back but usually the boys do an excellent job, including my soon-to-be-six-year-old, which has impressed my socks off. THIS is summer school. Traffic School. Navigation School
On Growing Up:
I was not really prepared for this sweeet corn-schucking-boy to get all his curls chopped off. But he was. I guess I thought since he is seven and he does have opinions I should let him. It is his hair...and he was tired of hearing how "beautiful" and "wonderful" his curls were (no wonder!) So I took him to the barber across the way and they cut it off while he was still wearing his roller skates. I think he's still a cutie little boy, and he looks a little grown up now. Think?
This is our sunflower house, from standing in the doorway. It's a lovely place, Morning Glories winding up and Sunflowers smiling out at all the neighbors. It's a fine place to hide out.
On Houses...
We sold ours!! No, not this one. Not our new house, but the old one. A year ago today we moved to this new town of ours, and for all that time our little Redmond, Oregon house has been empty, sitting, waiting for a new family to occupy it. Wednesday was the day all the papers were signed it was recorded that we no longer have two houses, two mortgages, our feet in two little towns on the West Coast. You can only imagine the enormity of this weight lifted for us. It's been an emotional week for us, a longest year for us. I'm so glad to be just HERE.
We picked them, I pitted them, I pied them and they're gone.
On Cherries:
The boys and I picked 35 lbs. I pitted them all. I froze a lot of them and they are ama.zing. on yogurt, ice cream, you name it. Of course they're good in pie, too.

Come on by, I'll make us a glass of iced tea...
I spend a lot of time lately thinking about our move. A year ago today. I was letting go of a home, a known life, friendships, living close to family. Big losses. The little losses were hard; leaving my garden nearly ready to harvest. The unknowns were harder; would we be able to find a home where we could have our dog? Our boat? What would this new town be like? Would we find a church (of course, but always a long process) and friends? Could I really start over all again?

Sweet favorites in my garden, nevermind the weeds

On Garden-of-the-Heart:
While I don't miss the process, not a bit, I see the value in these hard things. A year later, most of those unknowns are resolved. Sure it's easy to see in the rearview mirror, easy to see why this all was growing me, but even in the process I felt myself hurled into trusting my Only Hope, because God is the sure known factor in our lives. Over and over again I was reminded that nothing is sure. (Shouldn't I know this yet?) History....tossed through a nasty abandoment & divorce, miscarriages, and too many moves...shouldn't I know this?

God is my only, only sure thing.

And in these days, in this country, we really have very little to want for. I can say that I'm grateful for the opportunities to see my true need. It is a good thing to want. It is a good think to see our need. What do we turn to, what do we turn into when pressed?

...and again I'm seeing the process. The harvest that comes from letting a seed die and be planted, watered, nurtured through the sunlight of our Creator. And grow. Bloom, create fruit as we are intended.
So now I'll say it out loud.

I'm okay with it all. I'm okay with loss, and letting things go, moving forward and being pitched further into faith and learning what it means to be content in all circumstances. I pray for humility. I pray that it won't take gigantic losses to send me back to a God who loves me so much. If I am to loose all, I will cry and grieve, I will probably fight. But it's okay, I'm just fighting my silly old self and He's going to win that one again and again so that God will show up as the One who pulls me through and out of this, and holds me through it.

Can you see it? Can you see that I should have melted down a long time ago? I should be a wreck, a monster? It's true. But for God's grace alone, I am resting. I can stand back and see the good that comes out of what was intended for bad.

I pray you'll see a glimmer of light in me through the cracked soul I am. The light that is Him. I pray you'll wonder about Him more, and the peace He gives in every circumstance. I pray you'll believe and get a seed of eternity in your heart that will grow into a joy that can't be struck down by a thing.

Philippians 4:11-13

How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.


Pebblekeeper ~ Angie said...

Ok. That pie was the last step in completely making me want to live down the street from ya! Holy Moley. We too are down to one car - and I do feel that it is God's Best and not punishment for us for the month of August. I would not be surprised if He had us one car through October or longer. I feel such a joy! Each day I feel the joy of the new, the familiar, the growth. The raw ache for Central Oregon has been replaced with pleasant memories.

Cathy said...

Thanks for sharing, Amanda.

I knew many, many, many of these same feelings, but God is always faithful.