I could be cleaning.... (Crying 101)

A playdate with our girlie~friends...

...but here I am.

The landing is covered in books and a sleeping child.
My floors could use a good mopping.
The trains & tracks have taken over any carpet we had upstairs.
I have six children under my roof...all day.
Dinner is just an hour away.
The kids are quietly playing upstairs.

I have much to do, but I've come to the conclusion that if I don't just sit down right here, right now, I may not get to blog again for a week...or two. Things are peaceful around here, I'll take full advantage.

I've been working on re-enrollment for Scooter with K12. And now I'm so excited to enroll Critter too. I've been working with all three boys throughout the year, but it's fun that it will be 'official' for Critter next year, I LOVE when we all get working on a science project together, little hands, 3, 5 and 7 year old minds all thinking and asking questions...

I keep reading all your blogs, my fellow bloggies and want to sit and write and write. And now, I finally have a minute and nothing much to say. It'll come....wait for it....wait....
(Peanut and girl-twin digging the Kapla blocks, a 'toy' I highly recommend)

CRYING 101

I have known that I've had crying issues. They go way back. Some of you knew that I was married once before I met the love of my life. That marriage was a mess. I cried so many tears in those three years that somewhere along the line I just stopped. I can't tell you why. I could say maybe it was because tears seemed to make things worse, or were just plain ignored, but truthfully, I don't remember. But I stopped crying. For the next few years I remember crying very infrequently. Over the years as my life, friendships and experiences expanded again I wished and prayed for the ability to cry freely again. I cried sometimes, but never at the 'right times.'

When we left friends and famly and moved to the East Coast, my friends cried...but I couldn't. Rest assured that I'd cry myself to sleep at night but there were no tears to share in my sadness with the friends I was leaving behind. This happened for the next move as well, and the years in between.

When I went to visit my Grandma in the hospital, the tears came and blurred my vision often and much. I was careful in the beginning, feeling the need to protect Grandma. I didn't want my tears to give away her weak condition. The night that I stayed with her, after all the family was gone and the hospital got quiet, I sat with her, holding her hand. She was asleep, I cried and cried and cried. The nurse came in to check on Grandma, and she listened to me, cried with me. (This happened more than once, the nurses crying along with us. I was amazed at this)

Sunday night it was time to leave the hospital. Knowing it was the last time I'd see Grandma, I kissed her and told her I was going home to check on my boys, walked out the door. Down the hall the flood came. I cried and cried and cried.

I was blessed to come back, to see Grandma again, though this time she was asleep. She would not see me again, until the Lord takes me home.

Now I can see that I am free to cry.

I was confused, however, because I couldn't always cry when I wanted to...but the tears did come when they came. I am grateful, now, for a good cry.