a new season

Maybe my favorite thing about being 40 is being more & more comfortable with me. I find that often I still think of what I should be doing or what I should choose but I really can't ignore who I am &

What I love so I choose just that. What freedom I have in choosing, too! 

As I've been assembling the colors for this new ripple blanket I've been thinking just that. How lovely it is to create something that I really love. To choose all that I really love.  P

Over the last week I have taken school lightly. Nate, Eli & I wrapped up CC classes about a month ago. I have been using that month to find our new rhythms & schedule. Joey wrapped up his courses & finals this last week so we took much of the week off to rest & play.

In the yard there is much to be done this time of year, of course. Ralph & I moved the chicken yard to expand their space. As I am determined not to have an ugly little chicken yard,  I did the research & put in some plants that will not be an issue for theme. I planted three white butterfly bushes and vet much look forward to seeing them come to life.  

The boys spent time outside too. They pulled out paint & began painting the treehouse, with small brushes & little paint this is a slow & detailed job. 

So a new week will take us into May. We'll plod on with some new vision for the finish of the school year & hope of the foster care license to come this month or next. We have dotted all the t's, as we can best know how, so we wait patiently. 

Have a lovely week, I hope to check in again soon! It's good for my heart! 💛

The sun is struggling through the grey skies this morning.  Our February has been unseasonably warm and bright. I am thankful for the sunshine, always.

School is pushing forward, we are nearly done with our Classical Conversations year, Nate, Eli and I have class until the end of March and Joey's goes into April.  I do love our community, it is such a nice reprieve & encouragement mid-week but I am looking forward to being freed up for Spring.  I'm certain that the Moms that set the CC schedule were all thinking of tossing the lesson planning (for CC) and grabbing their seeds and trowels come April.

This Spring we anticipate getting our license for foster/adopt.  We started the process last fall, and are hoping that in 2 or 3 months things will be wrapped up.  There have been hours of classes to take, certifications to acquire, baby proofing to do all over our home, that is a monumental task!  While I don't at all feel that my heart and hands are out of practice (I may be surprised yet) our home has slowly morphed into the home of pre-teen and teenage boys.  We still have work to do around here, but it's coming along.

Our friends and family have been so generous in supplying us with so much we anticipate needing.  We plan to be certified for babies: birth to 2.  We have a crib, toddler bed, sheets, blankets, gates, diapers, car seat, shoes, clothes, (mostly for boys) bottles, pacifiers, and so much more.  There are still gaps to fill but we are picking things up as we wait.  It's a hopeful process, but not one that goes without heartache.

Sometimes I linger in the nursery.  The light is calm in there, the walls are a lovely grey, the white curtains are heavy and soften the light from the windows.  As I stand there, wondering and praying for the little one(s) that will soon be here my heart breaks a little.  I know that these little ones will be coming to us with broken lives.  So young, but already wounded.  I am torn over knowing that we can have a huge role in the lives of these families, we may be able to encourage the bio parents as they work to get their lives in order so that they can have their babies at home.  There will also be times that these babies go home to parents that do not have their babies' best in mind.  I am torn because I want the best for these babies.  Sometimes the best would be that they would be with their bio parents. Sometimes adoption would be the best thing, and  while adoption is a wonderful, God-designed plan, a child that is adopted has also been rejected.  Every adopted child I have known seems to deal with this in different ways, but God knows what it means to be "given up" on.  I am torn because we would love to adopt, and that may or may not happen.

There is one good way to prepare our hearts for this journey, and that is prayer.  I know that this journey will impact all of us, the boys especially.  I pray and pray that God will prepare us and walk with us through of this, I know He'll be faithful to help us, this whole thing is His idea and we know He gives us what we need.

                     His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life

                     and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to 

                     his own glory and excellence by which he has granted to us his

                     precious and very great promises, so that through them you

                    may become great partakers of the diving nature, having

                    escaped from the corruption.      2 Peter 1:3

The house has been quiet but I hear stirring upstairs, time for me to get up and get going with my day. Until next time...

My heart will sing

For 8 months our family has been waiting for this trip. We finally did it, and it was a perfect icing on the cake of our summer. We gathered & borrowed backpacking gear for a hike up Quartz Mountain to a lookout tower we had reserved for the weekend.

We were all in good spirits as we set out for our hike. Out friend, Heather had loaned us a map which turned out to be invaluable as the trails were plentiful & poorly marked. 

Nate & I

When we arrived we were not disappointed with the 360' view. The tower stands 10-15 feet off the peak of the mountain, it was a perfect place to sleep under the stars!

Lookout

Quarts was everywhere. A highlight for three of us who love, love rock.

Sunset on top of the world

Orange light woke me at Sunrise. I was up long enough to take a pic, then hunkered back down for more sleep. 

The moss was decorated by quartz, everywhere.

Eli & his Dad

and there was more exploring, there were more hills to conquer.

Elijah's balancing trick

Nate

Quartz, Indian Paintbrush, & Mica! What a treat to find Mica!

The boys built an incredible fort. 

We played games,

We explored more trails. 

We lined up our treasures.

We got all of our faces in one pic just before we headed out.

One thousand gifts on a weekend from God, one thousand wonderful memories, one thousand more reasons for my heart to sing. 

Peace & Quiet. Who needs it?

Like it was yesterday, I remember the moment clearly.  Nestled on the couch with a nursing baby, a toddler who couldn't get close enough to on-my-lap and another noisy little boys romping around the room, I juggled my Bible and prayed for a little peace and quiet.  Peace and quiet was exactly what I needed to dive into the depths of what God had for me that day.  It was just what I needed to hear God's voice, whispering what I needed to know for that day.

I heard Him tell me then, "Peace is not always quiet."

That has proved to be an understatement.  The years since that day have proven that statement again and again in so many ways.  But when it came to simply reading, praying, seeking the Lord each day that has been especially true.  I can sit down with my Bible, noisy, tumbling boys and a cup of tea and still hear God's voice, still read what He has for me.  God has even prompted me to read aloud to the boys, after all, they're a perfect audience!

Now my boys are 8, 10 & 12 and I face whole new issues.  (Perhaps the opposite could be true...that quiet is not always peaceful?  But that's another topic)  The truth that God spoke to me that day remains.  As I seek Him each morning life is still noisy.  My mind shouts, louder even than my kids some days.  But I will seek God before it's too late.  I only have today and He has so much mercy, grace and wisdom for me today.

Here is a great article about the importance of time with God while mothering.

"But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might here it."  2 Timothy 4:17

a break in Spring

Every year I look forward to this season, we have wrapped up our year of Classical Conversations community days and we are left to our own selves to finish up the school year.

We love our Classical Conversations group!  It's so fun to meet with these friends each week and the academics are fabulous.  I have been able to tutor the Essentials class this year, which has called for a lot of English Grammar study!  Did you know that verbs have moods?  Tenses?  Even gender? Anyhow, as much as we love CC I'm relieved to have a shift in schedule and some time to beef up on Challenge A things for Joey's class next year.

But inevitably we reach the last week of CC and I flounder.  The simple transition really throws me for a loop. Every time.

This week is Spring break too, and I finally realized that my mind is screaming at me, "Hurry up!  It's Spring break!  You've been waiting for this time to paint Nate's room, to Spring clean the kitchen, to rest, to play!!"  All of that, and really what I would love to do is rest.

It reminded me of a recent getaway Ralph and I took.  My folks were sweet enough to watch the boys while we drove into the sunset for a weekend.  We hadn't done that for nearly 4 years and I had been so looking forward to the break!  When we arrived & unpacked I couldn't shake the idea that I really needed to hurry up and rest.

I spent some time the next morning in the Word and in prayer, and God whispered to me the truth that I know but struggle to trust: My only Rest is in the Lord.  It's not a physical position, it's a heart position.  Resting, trusting in the Lord.  

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My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.  Psalm 62:1

          Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  Matthew 11:28

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So here it is Sunday, looking ahead to the week of Spring break and needing to remember from whom my rest comes.  I'm learning to live, to work, to teach from a state of rest.  But I'm slow to learn, quick to forget.  I need to go work on my heart position, again.  My soul finds rest in God alone.  

It's coming....

It's been so long that I almost forgot the URL, I had to sign in to my own blog to create a post.

I'm not sure what happened there, a season in which I abandoned the blog entirely.  There was grief and loss, a busy summer, then a new school year that brought with it a new Grammar class to teach (lots of study for me!)  Next came the holidays and a screaming feeling that if I don't keep doing the next thing on my list the world will fall apart and it will be my fault.  (Not true!)

In this season, I can hear myself breathing again and when the sink is full of dishes and there are math papers to grade I sometimes find myself stopping;

to stare at the full moon

to tickle my growing boys or

to read to them again for hours on end.

Slowly, I'm beginning to want to blog again. A restful activity for my heart.
But for today I must prepare for class tomorrow.  So a simple little note to get my mind and heart going.

Life is not an emergency.

Let the School Preparations Begin!

I have officially been homeschooling long enough to predict the future.  Are you impressed?  I am.  I hope you are too, because this is the end of my superpowers.  Please be impressed.

I predict that in about 3 weeks, we will all be bombarded by a million wonderful photos of the perfect, if not ideal homeschool classroom.  You know what I mean, the classroom that someone has in their home, because they have all that extra room, with brightly decorated walls, books carefully displayed an sorted, pencils with not-chewed erasers, beautiful binders all organized with tabs and spreadsheets and on and on and on....

We'll see a million how-i-organize it posts, how-to-teach posts, perfect curriculum packages for me posts.  Remember, from last August?  I do.  I remember looking longingly and thinking of the glorious homeschool days to come.

Hopeless Optimist.  That's who I am.  Or have been, at any rate.

This year, I'm going into my 7th year of homeschooling.  I now have enough years under my belt to remember the other days....the not so glorious days.  The days of tears or too tired, and I tell you what:

The cute classroom, the beautifully organized binder, they don't fix anything. While it's so valuable to have a pleasant physical environment & important to know where things are- these aren't the only points of focus for me this year.

We spent the first 4 years of our homeschooling days at the kitchen table.  I quickly realized the beauty of this plan.  I could set the kids to working and then hop up and work on dishes or dinner or what not.  It was cozy and comfy.  Yes, I had to clean everything up for meals, but it really, really wasn't the end of the world.  I have lovely memories of working in the kitchen.

Now we live in a house that has an odd shaped extra little room, and when I realized that there was enough wall space in that room that I could hang up a white board and a map and I was thrilled- we moved.  I was happy in the kitchen, but I'm still pretty close and right next to the laundry.  :) 

In about a month my school room will probably join the ranks of being perfectly tidy.  For at least 10 minutes.  But, as much as I'm determined to get better organized, it will probably just be weeks before it all melts into a happy-cozy-messy-space where we will proceed through the school year.  (This is what MY pen drawer looks like today after a school year of good use.)

So now I'm here to propose an idea.  As my son often reminds me when he's not interested in brushing his hair, man looks at the outside appearance but God looks at the heart. (our version of 1 Samuel 16:7) 

I'm thinking that while y'all might be impressed if I create a super cute classroom, tidy and ultra organized with all the right books, God alone knows the shape of my heart.  

On the hardest days of homeschooling I have come to know that the order of my intentions, the order of my heart towards the boys, the constant pushing away of pride and growing of grace is what will beautify The Boys' Noise School .  

My homeschool room doesn't reflect my

 greatness or success as a homeschool

 mom any more than state testing reflects

 the character and even the skills of our children.  

While Summer simmers in the heat of July, I'm starting to think about it:  the satisfying work that needs to be done, getting my books in the best spots, setting up realistic lesson plans, hitting the sales to build our supply closets.  But I'm also thinking about my year in this:  what am I hoping to accomplish this year in the hearts and minds of our boys?  What does God have in mind for me in this school year?  Oh, yes, I know that there are many things to be learned this year.

How can I really do better for these boys this year?  I know I've come up short in some arenas, I'm going to give Math extra attention this year.  I want to push farther on with Latin and some of us have terrible penmanship!  Carefully, I'm praying about their character.  Seeking God for His path for us. Proverbs 16:9 says that' the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.'  I take so much joy in the fact that God promises (James 1:5) us wisdom!  He has good plans for all of us this year (in spite of mine) ...and He designed us all, so I certainly need to know what He has to say!

Be encouraged as you plan your school year.  God has good plans for your little school, whether you have a table, room or work on a couch God knows just what you need.  Seek Him first:

Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Legacy: The Story of a Life to Sing About

My dear friend, her days here on earth are coming to an end.

She was diagnosed in October.  She fell, and there was too much pain in her that wouldn't subside.  When the doctors looked around enough they found that unwelcomed guest, cancer.  Her fight has been good.  She has never stopped fighting.  But cancer is a big thief and she lays in her room, restful while friends visit and family watches, grieve.

It's devastating.  I have cried a million tears, poured my heart out to God begging for healing.  Face on the floor I've cried, knowing full well that some of us have a shorter time here on earth, and hers might be a shorter story.  It's devastating.  But it's not a tragedy.

You see, her name is Joy.  For every day of her life she brings it, to her family and friends.  Laughter dances about her and they joke and tease, was she really worried about being too silly, too sarcastic with her family?  Her home is full of laughter and fun.  Smiles light her face as she tells us stories of the crazy, funny things her kids say, or a story of her and James' early years, or yesterdays silliness.

Her name is Grace.  Grace and faithfulness for her sweet husband, grace for her three children growing like weeds that no mom really knows 'what to do with.'  So she gives grace and love to them like crazy.

Grace all over her friends and our sweet little schooling community.  She's been patient and handles the hard things with laughter and a light heart, and grace, willing to put the hard stuff aside, to forgive and to love.

Her name is Legacy.

In her years as a wife & mother she has chosen well.  The job she took on didn't pay well.  No big Christmas bonuses, no vacations or sick time.  Her company car is an awesome retro stationwagon.  But she clocked in 16 years ago and has been working hard since then.
She built a beautiful home that is no magazine cover.  Her's are not shiny, tidy untouched rooms. The decor is every bit of who she is, cozy sunflowers in the kitchen, antiques everywhere, and books from ceiling to floor.  Her home has a pulse, her family lives there. Laughter laces the hallways and family photos hang, photos taken over all the years for us to see the story of the Bennett family.

She has invested her time into her faithful marriage, her children and their education.  Her hours spent pouring over good books and hard math, drilling what is a present participle verb form and what was the Vietnam War all about, anyway?  But I think what her children got from that education was more than the facts and a beautiful foundation~  they know their Mama loves them.  Her legacy was greatly choosing her children, her husband.  Her unselfishness built a beautiful, rich education and relationship with each one of her children. Her investments are already paying off.  Her kids' heart's ache.  But they will live well with their dad together.  Their mom brought them a chief understanding of who they are in Christ and led them, by her example, into a walk with Him.

Her Legacy is pouring herself out, imperfect and fully knowing that she didn't really know the exact way how, but pouring herself out unselfishly to her family, and friends.  Giving love, giving grace, always, always joy.  What a measure of a woman.

Her name, it's Surrender.  She gave her life over to the knowing, caring hands of Jesus so long ago.  She has lived a life that rested in God's promises,  that He loves her unconditionally, that He forgives, that He will provide, and His great promise that our life doesn't end here on earth.  So she's peacefully unafraid to go home with our sweet Savior, going to meet Him face to face.

Her life here hasn't been perfect, but she has trusted daily on Jesus' payment for every blemish and stumble.  God's work has been to provide to pay for our selfishness, when Jesus was hung, naked and willing on a cross *fashioned of a tree, He took on the weight of our selfish choices and God looked away because it was so very ugly.  Jesus took all the punishment that we deserve, all of it.  It killed him.

But Jesus, he's also God.  He has power over sin & death and He redeemed us all by taking a breath again, days later, breathing in life on earth and then, after teaching and loving his friends, He went home to his Kingdom.  He is, after all, God.  He left the Holy Spirit behind to teach us, to comfort, to lead us.  And my friend, she knew all of that.  She didn't just know it but she lived confidently in it.  She lived a joyful, gracious, giving and forgiving life because of that great gift Jesus gave.  She was so rich in love, so rich in grace, so rich in God's legacy for her she had plenty to give.

And that, is her song.  It's coming to an end but we will forever be singing it, all about Grace and Love, Joy and Surrender.  Out of joyful memories and love for her and our Savior both.

Walking through my house this morning and picking up another stray sock, making breakfast for my rowdy, mismatched crew will be a joy this morning.  I reflect on the deep well from where my joy comes and the huge legacy that I can choose to leave.  All the sweeping and face wiping and fights I referee, it's all an act of love and service to my family.  The dinners prepared, beds made, hours I spend listening to their hearts and ironing for my husband, I want to do it with joy out of the great gift God has given me, and the hope that is eternity.

Her name is Kari Bennett.  My sweet friend, my sweet friend.  The rest of the story.... I will look for the redeeming work of God's hand in the echoes of her life.  In her absence we will see the work of God, redemption's story never ends.  Thank you for your life Kari, the way you have lived is a shining example of who I want to be, and it's shown me that all this seemingly tireless work does indeed amount to something beautiful.  A story, a song never forgotten.

*Kari has been (my &) Joey's Grammar teacher for 2 years.  'Fashioned' was a favorite vocabulary word used in many papers read before the class.  I was sure to do a few dress-ups, Kari!