Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Becoming Part

It's been a long, long time since I've taken the time to share a bit of what's really going on with me. I love sharing the photos (obviously) and I think it's so fun to read & share with you all schooling and home keeping ideas. But I crave authenticity. I love to hear it from those of you others who brave it.

I am 32 years into this journey with my Savior. For about 23 of those years, I've come to know God, not only as the God who gave his son to be the Redeemer of my sins, but as a friend.

He listens.
He holds me up.
He walks with me.
He teaches me.
He wants to see me become, become more like Him.

I so want to be more like Him. And we know that God isn't finished with the work He's doing in us, we know that He will be faithful to complete it.

On my bathroom counter I have the verse; "...sell everything you have...come, follow me." (Luke 18:22.)

In my adult years with the Lord it has been clear that I am not called to material poverty. So pondered, what does this scripture mean to me? I began to see it differently.

What do I have to sell? What does God want me to give? What am I to give up in order to be more like Him? My desire is that others would see God in me.

Then He whispered to me what God is calling me to sell.

My dreams.

(I'm all heart here)

My dreams.

God didn't create us to live large. He didn't call us to get fat and happy. He didn't call us to get our "mom time" or have rights or deserve time or respect or love.

I know this is going against popular ideas.
Not only that, it's just going against everything in me. I love to dream. I tend to think I deserve certain rights as a hard working mom. I should be loved by friends and family, right? I should chase after what I want, no?

God created us to serve first.
God created us to give, to love, to teach, to humble ourselves as He did;

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Phil 2:5-11

Living humbly means letting go. Letting go of my dreams, my desires in life, all the things I think I need, the things I think I deserve.

Now I'm not saying I think it's wrong to work hard and care for yourself, your home and your family. Making your home a place you love to be is an art and a treat for your family. What I'm working toward changing is the attitude. The one that sneaks in and reminds me that I always eat last, or that I just need 5 minutes of quiet or that I really want this or that in order to be more comfortable. Some of the dreams I'm letting go of even seem selfless. Dreams to minister to others in a particular way, to do good in the way I want to. Instead, I want to yield to God, let Him show me how I can best do His work and live my life. His way is always, always, always best. (If you're not sure about this, let's have tea and chat. I'll share with you my story.) But I may need to wipe my ideas about the best way off the slate and let Him show me His perfect plan.

I'm certain this is a process, as is everything with God. (There's not a better counselor to work with.) And I know that I have a lot to let go of. I write to you with an achy heart, because letting go hurts. But I write because I want to encourage you all in this journey He's called us all to. I would love to pray for you if you're on this journey with me, and I'd love to know I have friends praying for me too.

So there it is, what's really happening in my heart, the story that's coming together in my journal. I hope these words will spur you on to run the race wholeheartedly, and in letting go of all that hinders.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1

*God is always doing a new thing in each of us and I know it's a different thing for each, but do share with the rest of us..what is God stirring in your heart? Are you sitting on that potter's wheel, allowing Him to do something new in you? What is it?


Amy said...

Hi my friend!

woooo boy, do I get it! I do! Thankyou for sharing your heart here... I love hearing what is perking in there. It is soooo all about Him.... in all ways, in everyway! The whole choosing and following after Him, and choosing what is "best" not what is "good".... ugh!

Bobby and I were talking just the other day about desires, and how hard it is to not go to one extreme or another... to not totally shut down every desire and just not desire... OR go the polar opposite where all you can think about is your desire, and doing your desire.... but staying..abiding in the middle somewere not shut down, and not over the edge, with hands totally open to Him.... oh oh oh... not so easy!

Totally on the Potter's wheel! Totally! Waiting. Abiding. Standing. Walking.

Hugs.. Amy

Amanda P said...

AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You got it girl... you are dead on... thank you for sharing your heart and for spurring me on toward love and good deeds and to our Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for YOU and for your encouragement and fearlessness in proclaiming the TRUTH!

Anonymous said...

oh, girl...when can we chat and have tea?? seriously.

Kellie said...

Very thought provoking. Thanks for sharing your authenticity. That's not always easy to do.

Debbie said...

I, too, cherish authenticity. Maybe because it isn't easy to find in our glammed up, pretense-filled culture. I love to get to know the *hearts* of other people ... thank you for sharing yours.

What's on my heart? We are called to "know Him" ("that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings...." Phil 3:10, as an example).

It is a relationship that goes far deeper than knowing OF Him.

It isn't just that I know about that guy who died on a cross a long time ago and said really wise things.

It is that I KNOW HIM, personally, vibrantly, in a way that affects my life today and tomorrow.

Okay ... off to go finish fleshing that out for a blog post! =)

Cheers and thanks again for sharing your heart so authentically in a way to spurs others to know Him, too!


Nancy said...

You've really used some words and ideas that don't normally go together in this modern culture. Bless you as you learn to walk this out - and may I be so blessed - as a woman after His own heart. Thank you for your honesty! (And what a beautiful blog site you've made! I'd love to see your home!)