Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The good days of fashion

Well, my sister sent this to me in an email today, and I loved it. It pretty much made me laugh my head off. Unfortunately though, I just couldn't forward it to anyone...and I just HAD to share. I know this isn't a typical blog, but I would be robbing you of an experience not to share....

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/RxAf-WKFJwI/AAAAAAAAAWE/QNNZYXxINag/s1600-h/77-5.jpg

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-MRe2S0jI/AAAAAAAAAU0/BZx4KPJkFek/s1600-h/77-13.jpg

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-MN-2S0iI/AAAAAAAAAUs/bVt0TxC7XIg/s1600-h/77-12.jpg

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your butt kicked in elementary school:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Ll-2S0aI/AAAAAAAAATs/y7qnHacDceo/s1600-h/77-3.jpg

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your butt kicked in high school:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-LqO2S0bI/AAAAAAAAAT0/8Km7OCS3AFE/s1600-h/77-4.jpg

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your butt kicked on the golf course:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-MBe2S0fI/AAAAAAAAAUU/u2X552EiivI/s1600-h/77-9.jpg

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you.

Here's how to get your butt kicked pretty much anywhere:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Ml-2S0pI/AAAAAAAAAVk/HIddxi8gqUA/s1600-h/77-19.jpg

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will.

Here's how to get your butt kicked at the beach:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Lfe2S0ZI/AAAAAAAAATk/snLmnDogZ0w/s1600-h/77-2.jpg

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your butt kicked in a meeting:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Miu2S0oI/AAAAAAAAAVc/7byBKhd2v3c/s1600-h/77-18.jpg

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your butt kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Mdu2S0nI/AAAAAAAAAVU/L1s98jKYkZk/s1600-h/77-17.jpg

I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Ma-2S0mI/AAAAAAAAAVM/NbPXsLAvtm4/s1600-h/77-16.jpg

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-MXu2S0lI/AAAAAAAAAVE/uJtQjRLPxsI/s1600-h/77-15.jpg

Oh wait, it turns out that there is a word after all. Sweet. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-L-O2S0eI/AAAAAAAAAUM/ekDiAK8JfFk/s1600-h/77-8.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-L3u2S0dI/AAAAAAAAAUE/2nf7k8T1U3k/s1600-h/77-7.jpg

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-Lt-2S0cI/AAAAAAAAAT8/5hW2zQPSb9g/s1600-h/77-6.jpg

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-MUO2S0kI/AAAAAAAAAU8/5O9v77YbjLg/s1600-h/77-14.jpg

Then, after the swim, you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-LZ-2S0YI/AAAAAAAAATc/Gx0Lm6YfC0c/s1600-h/77-1.jpg

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8KVGEZEUltI/Rw-MqO2S0qI/AAAAAAAAAVs/aldhlorjTVE/s1600-h/77-20.jpg

Man, that's sexy.

2 comments:

The Daileys said...

Okay, I am officially dying to see these pictures! All I have on my screen though are red x's! AHHH!!!! Help me ;)

Lainey said...

Ok I stumbled across your blog from another, and I must say that my stomach muscles are hurtin'! What a treat to laugh like that. I am glad I didn't have the catalog, it would have killed me. As it is my son just keeps asking, "Mom, are you going to make it?" Thanks!